I don’t know why but I just hate it! I hate it! I hate it when I see myself in the mirror. I mean like, whatever that I do, isn’t going to make this huge jelly tummy to just vanish. I guess I just have to accept the reality that I am just a big, pathetic, dummy loser. Maybe I would just die without getting married or something; or even if I’m still alive, I would be the last person who is still single, and at that time, I probably old and incapable and full of wrinkles and of course, the good news is, my tummy wouldn’t be as bad as today but the bad news is, I will be an old-hag. Sigh. I guess I need to change my life. I can’t imagine living my whole life with everybody making fun of me. Making fun of my tummy. Is it such a crime to have such a big jelly tummy? After all, I don’t even ask for this you know. Okay. I just realized that I said something that I shouldn’t. Something that is against the fate. Oh God. Please forgive me.
* * * * *
I was walking straight through the door, back from work, when I noticed a purple brochure on the coffee table. This must be Emma’s (which her real name is Fatimah), one of my housemates. Among the three of us, she is the… what is the best word to describe her? Erm, yes! She is the goddess. I mean the typical one. And, free-hair of course. But, who would mind if the way her hair flows is like a piece of silk cloth falling from the sky, and even when she’s not in a room anymore, you can still smell her perfume in the air. And, of course, she has a boyfriend, who is drop-dead gorgeous and, if I’m not mistaken, he was on some kind of a shaving commercial or something. Anyway, I don’t want to talk about his boyfriend. I want to talk about his boyfriend’s boyfriend, get it? His name is Zack, which I guess his real name is Zakri or something like that. I met him once, at a kenduri. I spotted him when his golden baju melayu shone. It’s not that it has lots and lots of light bulbs. It was just because of its material that reflected the sunlight. I don’t know how to explain, but he was glowing at that time. I know. I know. I’m exaggerating. He’s not glowing. It was his aura, I think so.
As you can see, it’s always flattering to talk about him, but I guess being with him is just a dream. I mean, look at me. I’m not his type. I’m not anybody’s type. Who would want me? I’m just a loser. OMG. My tummy’s groveling. I need to find something to fill in. I went straight to the kitchen and opened the fridge. Yummy. A blueberry yoghurt would be nice.
On my way to my room, I noticed the purple brochure for the second time. It said, “ Are you a LOSER? “. Hurm, this seems interesting. Maybe I should just grab it and take a look at it.
* * * * *
“Who are you?! Are you lost?! I don’t think you belong here. Oh my goodness! I think you better get lost before anybody sees you, I mean, look at your tummy! Yuck! It’s hideous! “, Zack is looking at me as if I’m a lost alien, falling from my spaceship. I know. I know. His mouth is not as good as his look. I think I should stop judging other people by the way they look. Because, from what I experienced, anybody or anything is not always as good as it seems.
Then, to my surprise, I saw Zack calling my name, except that his voice changed into a woman’s voice. And he comes closer to me. He even shakes me like crazily.
“Lisa! Lisa! Lisa, wake up! You’re having a nightmare again! Lisa!”, it’s Nana’s voice.
“What?! What?!”, I was awake. Then, I realized I’ve fallen asleep while browsing that brochure.
“I kept on having the same stupid dream again and again you know”.
“Oh, Lisa. I feel really sorry for you. I guess what Zack had said to you at that kenduri had really gives a big impact on you. It must be so damn hard being you. It’s okay dear. A guy like him is not worth it. You deserve a much more better person than him, okay?”, Lisa was being nice to me.
“I know. I know. But, Nana, I just can’t seem to forget him. It’s damn hard, you know. And I still can’t understand why I really want him, after all that he said to me that day”. I blurted out. The same stupid confession. I guess, Nana had been pretty bored hearing those things. Over and over again. But I just can’t help it. Maybe I’m used to hearing other people insulting me. But I just can’t face it when he’s one of them. I felt really hurt and insulted“.
“That’s it, Lisa. Just don’t waste your time thinking about what anybody thinks of you, especially him. Okay?”, Nana’s voice broke my thoughts.
I smiled, just to reassure her.
* * * * *
Okay. This is it. I took a deep breath, hoping that it would give a little confidence. I pushed the big glass door with all of my will.
“Good afternoon! Fitness First, how may I assist you?”, the receptionist greeted me politely. I went straight to the reception desk and checked my appointment.
Okay. This slimming treatment seems a bit too expensive. Well, wrong choice of word. A lot. But the method used was the main reason that took my attention. It’s not a treatment with the rubbing or massaging our skin with the slimming cream or jelly. It’s based on regular exercises and a balanced diet, which, of course recommended by qualified trainers.
* * * * *
“Assalamu’alaikum, Miss Lisa, right?”, a guy in a navy blue t-shirt with a “Fitness First” logo was looking at me. I noticed a word, “FAIZAL”, was embroidered, just below the “Fitness First” logo.
“Miss?”, he was trying to get my attention by waving a little in front of my face.
I startled. I didn’t know why but the moment he looks me in the eyes, my heart was racing.
“ Wa…wa…wa’alaikumsalam, yes, I’m Miss Lisa”, I replied awkwardly. Argh! What’s wrong with me? Spontaneously, I placed my hands on my hijab, trying to shape it properly. I don’t have an explaination why I did that but I just want to look nice for him.
“ I’m Faizal, your personal fitness trainer”, he introduced himself as my personal fitness trainer, which , means we’re going to be spending every weekends together.
He led me to the gymnasium for a pre-work out.
“You see, as your trainer, I would like to gather some infos about you, so that I would know how to train you.”
“ Absolutely”, I answered.
“What’s your favourite dish?”
“ Well, talking about food, right now, I’m craving for pizza. I can’t even remember when was the last time I ate it. To make it simple, I actually love all kind of food. That’s my problem. Even if I’m full, I would still accept my friends’ offer, no matter it’s only a snack or heavy meal. If you ask me what is my favourite past time, I might say “munching”, because my mouth just can’t seem to stay without working. Even this chewing gum in my mouth is the fifth for today, you know. For me, eating is a pleasure. Sometimes I think I didn’t eat so that I can live, but I live so that I can enjoy it by eating , get it? I don’t mind if you don…OMG! I’m babbling. I’m sorry. It’s just that, I can’t stop talking, especially if I’m nervous. I…I...”.
` “It’s okay. My work would be a lot more easier, since you’re more friendlier and livelier, than my other trainees I trained before.” He smiled. I noticed a deep dimple formed on his left cheek.
“So cute! ” I heard myself said it.
“I beg your pardon. What did you said just now?” He was confused.
“Oh nothing”, I flushed a little.
* * * * *
My fitness training started from that day on. At first, I felt I want to give up. It’s because, lifting dumbbells and doing 50 sit-ups are just not me. As a professional, Faizal gave me motivating advices, which actually had lifted my spirit to complete my training.
* * * * *
Argh! The bus is late again! How am I going to pray? It’s already 8.10 p.m., and Isya’ prayer would be at about 8.30 p.m.
Out of sudden, a metallic Vios pulled over in front of me. The passenger’s window was lifted down. I saw Faizal, smiling at me, sincerely.
“Assalamu’alaikum, Lisa.”
“Wa’alaikumsalam, Mr. Faizal.”
“Please, call me Faizal…need a lift home?”, he lifted his left eyebrow, waiting for my answer.
I hesitated at first but since it was already 8.15 p.m., I agreed. I thought he was going to send me home but then, he drove his car into an entrance of a mosque.
“I know that you still haven’t perform your Maghrib prayer so, I thought maybe you should pray here. Besides, we could also perform Isya’ prayer since it’s almost 8.30, right?”, he took a glance at his G-Shock. watch.
I was amazed by the way he always put solat on top of his mind.
* * * * *
At around 9.00 p.m., I went towards Faizal’s Vios and saw him, leaning against his car.
“Sorry, I’m late. You know-lah,”women…”
“It’s okay. I don’t mind waiting. By the way, you’re look beautiful”, he praised me.
“Owh, do you mean, I look slimmer than I used to? Because I won’t buy it if anybody says I’m beautiful”.
“But you are. In fact, I think you did look beautiful when you were chubbier.” he continued.
I looked him in the eyes and I saw nothing except honesty and sincerity.
“I can’t seem to understand why you want to lose your weight”, he blurted out when he drove off the mosque.
“Well, actually, I met someone. He’s fine. It’s just that, I don’t think that any guy would want me if I’m short and fat. So, I decided to lose my weight and win over his heart!”, I said with sudden enthusiasm.
“What makes you think that every guy is only interested in tall and slender ”person?...”
“Of course!”, I cut his words.
“Every guy only finds pretty, tall and slender woman attractive. Nobody would be interested for a woman like me”, I was a bit low of self-confidence.
“Well, every guy is different, you know. Some guys would think Lisa Surihani is gorgeous but others might prefer Adibah Noor. Size and appearance are not important. What’s important is this…”, he put his palm on his chest.
Silence is in the air as Faizal focused more on his driving while I was blending all that he said, trying to make sense of them. Maybe he’s right. But I still wanted to win over Zack’s heart. I want to be happy. With him. I want to look perfect! For him.
* * * * *
“Congratulations, Lisa! You’ve finished your three months fitness programme. Many people don’t have determination like you, you know. You should be very proud of yourself!”, Faizal was excited.
“Thanks Faizal. If it’s not for you, I would still be the ‘jelly-tummy-Lisa’ kind of person”, I smiled.
“Lisa…Eventhough it kills me to have to say, but I admit that I am impressed. You’re different from any of my other trainees. You’re kindness and your smile really made my days, you know. And…your laugh is the best sound I’ve ever heard. I don’t know what will I do, since we won’t be meeting each other anymore after this…” he was whispering. It seems like it’s been very hard for him to say those things.
“I…I…I think I’m falling for you”, he continued.
I startled. Then, when I tried to look at him, he looked away with a sudden embarrassment. I wanted to laugh when I noticed his pink ears, but I immediately turned it into a slight cough.
“Lisa…? Please say something…” he was still blushing.
“I…I…I don’t know what to say” I was speechless.
My heart was pounding even faster. I was having a fight with myself.
‘You can’t be with Faizal! Don’t you remember why you even wanted to lose your weight? You have to remember your first goal! Why you’re here at the first place? You want to win over Zack’s heart, right? You can’t let some goody-goody trainer stand in your way!’, I heard my own voice inside of my head.
I took a big gulp. Then, my mouth started to spill out words before I could stop it.
“I’m sorry. All this while, I admit that I really enjoyed being with you, but only as my personal trainer, nothing more. Thanks for being honest about your feeling but I… I’m sorry” I was afraid to look him in the eyes.
“It’s okay. I totally understand. Good luck with Zack!” He smiled; but I know he was just pretending.
“Anyway, I got to go. I have another errands to do, goodbye Lisa, assalamu’alaikum” He tapped his cap, looked at me for the very last time and he turned around.
“Please look back. If you look back at me, I would run towards you, seriously!” I was praying to myself.
Oh no! He’s gone. Out of sudden, I burst into tears. I was crying really hard. I never cried like that since I was humiliated in form five. One of the naughtiest boys in my class pulled a prank on me, which he placed a watered balloon on my chair. But, this is beyond than that! This time, I blew out. Big one!
* * * * *
Oh God. I don’t know what to do today. I guess I’m used to spending my weekends with Faizal. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. How many ‘Oh no’ do I want to type?
“Lisa?” Nana’s voice had gave me a fright.
“Gosh! Nana, you know what, I think I would gat a heart attack if you keep on frightening me like that”
“Well, serves you right. I already knocked, you know. Three times. I thought you were sleeping. That’s why I went straight inside” Nana’s complaining.
“Never mind. Let’s just forget it. Why do you want to come in here anyway?”
“Well, Emma asked me to join her boyfriend’s get-together party. Care to join?”
“Actually, I’m pretty bored at the moment. Plus, I got nothing to do…” I’m hesitating, playing for time.
“Oh, come on! Zack might be there, you know. After all, it’s his best friend’s party. I’m sure it’s going to be fun. Come on! Let’s get ready!” Nana insisted while dragging my hand.
“All right. All right. Stop dragging me”.
* * * * *
I look at my own reflection. Praise to Allah. I do look pretty. I mean, look at me. I’m a bit slimmer than I used to be. I look really well in jeans and pink blouse with matching hijab. Everything else seems perfect. Who cares if a have slight crooked teeth, I can still smile happily and there’s even a guy who once said that my laugh is the best sound he ever heard! Then, I realized that the guy I’m thinking about is Faizal. My enthusiasm turned into sorrow. Faizal, I miss you, pretty badly.
“Lisa!” Emma’s voice can be heard from the front door.
I should go. I grabbed my silver hand bag and rushing to the front door.
* * * * *
The party’s pretty cool. Seems like everybody’s having a good time. We followed Emma to meet his boyfriend. I even managed to grab a piece of chocolate cake and stuffed it into my mouth. Surprisingly, I saw Faizal! He’s looking at us. I mean, at me. I feel like my heart’s going to explode for pounding too fast. But I act like nothing happen. I even gave him a I’m-only-your-trainee -and-nothing-more smile. Then, I notice that he is looking at someone else, and from his eyes, I know that that someone is coming towards me. I take a look at the direction of Faizal’s eyes. Owh…It’s ZacK… Okay. Why didn’t I type it as ‘OMG!!! It’s Zack!!!’ (with an exclamation mark) ? That’s weird. I know. It’s because I didn’t feel the thrill; like the thrill that I felt when I saw Faizal.
“Hey, are you a human being?” Zack greets me with a very pleasant smile.
“Of course I am. Don’t I look like one?” I was trying to be polite.
“Well, it’s just that, when I saw you from that entrance, I thought you were an angel.” He’s flirting with me. That’s weird. I feel nothing when he said that.
“Anyway, I didn’t catch your name yet. What’s your name?” Zack’s curious.
“I’m Lisa. I came here with them” I’m pointing at Emma and Nana.
“You mean…you’re jelly-tummy-Lisa ?! OMG! You look so different! You look hot!!” He casually places his right hand on my shoulder. I pushed his hand down, immediately.
“Yes. I am that Lisa. The one that was humiliated by you, in front of so many people!” I yelled at him, don’t even care about a few people who are looking at us.
“What?” He’s acting innocent.
“So, Lisa…what did you do with yourself? You’re amazing”. He’s skimming me.
“Your eyes are catchy…your perfect little nose…your lips look so…” spontaneously he touched my lips…
PANG!!!
“How dare you?! Who do you think you are?! aEven if you’re a guy with a good look, do you think you can just do anything to any woman you want?! Well, you know what?! You’re wrong, mister! I thought you’re the perfect guy I ever met, but I guess you’re not…you’re the worst!!!” I was carried away by my emotion. My eyes are full with anger. Right. Now, everybody’s staring at me.
“I’m sorry Emma. I ruined your boyfriend’s party.”
I went straight to the entrance door with a big, fat, thick tears running down my cheeks. I felt used and manipulated by Zack. I can’t believe that I’m willing to lose my weight for him! I was so dumb!
I don’t know how long I’ve been walking. There’s a bench and nobody’s there; so I just sit on the bench, waiting for a bus, or a cab, or something. I just can’t seem to stop crying. I Put my face in my hands and cry and cry. On the bench. Alone. Away from the party.
“Lisa…” I look up. It’s Faizal. He smiles. Reassuringly.
“Go on. Laugh at me if you want to. Serves me right! I was so stupid. Why do I strain myself from eating those junk food, the painful exercises and the sweaty track pants, and, and…”
“Shh…it’s okay. I’m here. It’s all that matter.” He wipes my tears with his pink hanky, really carefully, so that, his hand won’t touch my face.
Then, I find myself crying again. But, this time, it’s different. I’m crying because I was so touched by his warm gaze and his concern and his reassuringly smile and his kind heart.
“It doesn’t matter. You’re not stupid. What you did is right. Eating junk food is unhealthy, you know. It’s not like in Biology had stated ‘if you’re huge and need a boyfriend, you need to stop eating junk food’, right? You’re not stupid, okay? But Zack is. He’s stupid because he doesn’t how to appreciate a woman like you. You’re beautiful, Lisa…in a different way.”
Dup dab. Dup dab. Dup dab.
“No, I’m not. Look at me. I’m a mess. I’m a loser, and alwys will.” I’m denying him.
“Yes, you are. You’re beautiful to me. You’re different. You’re…you’re…you’re special. Very rare. You’re like roses that can only be found on top of the hill. And…and…you’re even more beautiful with that chocolate cake smudge on your chin.” He grinned.
I touch my chin. He’s right. There’s a smudge. Oh God, this is so embarrassing. I flush a little. Wrong choice of word. I flush. A lot!
Faizal’s grin turned into a tiny chuckle and then into a big hearty laugh. At first, I felt annoyed. But then, I join him. After a few seconds, he stops laughing.
“Lisa, I…I…I…”
“I know. I know. You want to say that you love me, right?” he seems amazed, as if I can read his mind.
“Well,do you…do you…”
“I do. I do love you. In fact, from the very first day we met. I realized it when I completed my three months fitness training with you. I realized that I…I…I missed you…badly…I don’t know what I…what I…”
“Shh…you’re nervous. Come on. Let’s go to Pizza Hut. I know you’ve been craving for it for three months.”
He walks off. Gentlemanly. Please, look back…Then, he looks back at me and smiles.
THE END
* * * * *
I was walking straight through the door, back from work, when I noticed a purple brochure on the coffee table. This must be Emma’s (which her real name is Fatimah), one of my housemates. Among the three of us, she is the… what is the best word to describe her? Erm, yes! She is the goddess. I mean the typical one. And, free-hair of course. But, who would mind if the way her hair flows is like a piece of silk cloth falling from the sky, and even when she’s not in a room anymore, you can still smell her perfume in the air. And, of course, she has a boyfriend, who is drop-dead gorgeous and, if I’m not mistaken, he was on some kind of a shaving commercial or something. Anyway, I don’t want to talk about his boyfriend. I want to talk about his boyfriend’s boyfriend, get it? His name is Zack, which I guess his real name is Zakri or something like that. I met him once, at a kenduri. I spotted him when his golden baju melayu shone. It’s not that it has lots and lots of light bulbs. It was just because of its material that reflected the sunlight. I don’t know how to explain, but he was glowing at that time. I know. I know. I’m exaggerating. He’s not glowing. It was his aura, I think so.
As you can see, it’s always flattering to talk about him, but I guess being with him is just a dream. I mean, look at me. I’m not his type. I’m not anybody’s type. Who would want me? I’m just a loser. OMG. My tummy’s groveling. I need to find something to fill in. I went straight to the kitchen and opened the fridge. Yummy. A blueberry yoghurt would be nice.
On my way to my room, I noticed the purple brochure for the second time. It said, “ Are you a LOSER? “. Hurm, this seems interesting. Maybe I should just grab it and take a look at it.
* * * * *
“Who are you?! Are you lost?! I don’t think you belong here. Oh my goodness! I think you better get lost before anybody sees you, I mean, look at your tummy! Yuck! It’s hideous! “, Zack is looking at me as if I’m a lost alien, falling from my spaceship. I know. I know. His mouth is not as good as his look. I think I should stop judging other people by the way they look. Because, from what I experienced, anybody or anything is not always as good as it seems.
Then, to my surprise, I saw Zack calling my name, except that his voice changed into a woman’s voice. And he comes closer to me. He even shakes me like crazily.
“Lisa! Lisa! Lisa, wake up! You’re having a nightmare again! Lisa!”, it’s Nana’s voice.
“What?! What?!”, I was awake. Then, I realized I’ve fallen asleep while browsing that brochure.
“I kept on having the same stupid dream again and again you know”.
“Oh, Lisa. I feel really sorry for you. I guess what Zack had said to you at that kenduri had really gives a big impact on you. It must be so damn hard being you. It’s okay dear. A guy like him is not worth it. You deserve a much more better person than him, okay?”, Lisa was being nice to me.
“I know. I know. But, Nana, I just can’t seem to forget him. It’s damn hard, you know. And I still can’t understand why I really want him, after all that he said to me that day”. I blurted out. The same stupid confession. I guess, Nana had been pretty bored hearing those things. Over and over again. But I just can’t help it. Maybe I’m used to hearing other people insulting me. But I just can’t face it when he’s one of them. I felt really hurt and insulted“.
“That’s it, Lisa. Just don’t waste your time thinking about what anybody thinks of you, especially him. Okay?”, Nana’s voice broke my thoughts.
I smiled, just to reassure her.
* * * * *
Okay. This is it. I took a deep breath, hoping that it would give a little confidence. I pushed the big glass door with all of my will.
“Good afternoon! Fitness First, how may I assist you?”, the receptionist greeted me politely. I went straight to the reception desk and checked my appointment.
Okay. This slimming treatment seems a bit too expensive. Well, wrong choice of word. A lot. But the method used was the main reason that took my attention. It’s not a treatment with the rubbing or massaging our skin with the slimming cream or jelly. It’s based on regular exercises and a balanced diet, which, of course recommended by qualified trainers.
* * * * *
“Assalamu’alaikum, Miss Lisa, right?”, a guy in a navy blue t-shirt with a “Fitness First” logo was looking at me. I noticed a word, “FAIZAL”, was embroidered, just below the “Fitness First” logo.
“Miss?”, he was trying to get my attention by waving a little in front of my face.
I startled. I didn’t know why but the moment he looks me in the eyes, my heart was racing.
“ Wa…wa…wa’alaikumsalam, yes, I’m Miss Lisa”, I replied awkwardly. Argh! What’s wrong with me? Spontaneously, I placed my hands on my hijab, trying to shape it properly. I don’t have an explaination why I did that but I just want to look nice for him.
“ I’m Faizal, your personal fitness trainer”, he introduced himself as my personal fitness trainer, which , means we’re going to be spending every weekends together.
He led me to the gymnasium for a pre-work out.
“You see, as your trainer, I would like to gather some infos about you, so that I would know how to train you.”
“ Absolutely”, I answered.
“What’s your favourite dish?”
“ Well, talking about food, right now, I’m craving for pizza. I can’t even remember when was the last time I ate it. To make it simple, I actually love all kind of food. That’s my problem. Even if I’m full, I would still accept my friends’ offer, no matter it’s only a snack or heavy meal. If you ask me what is my favourite past time, I might say “munching”, because my mouth just can’t seem to stay without working. Even this chewing gum in my mouth is the fifth for today, you know. For me, eating is a pleasure. Sometimes I think I didn’t eat so that I can live, but I live so that I can enjoy it by eating , get it? I don’t mind if you don…OMG! I’m babbling. I’m sorry. It’s just that, I can’t stop talking, especially if I’m nervous. I…I...”.
` “It’s okay. My work would be a lot more easier, since you’re more friendlier and livelier, than my other trainees I trained before.” He smiled. I noticed a deep dimple formed on his left cheek.
“So cute! ” I heard myself said it.
“I beg your pardon. What did you said just now?” He was confused.
“Oh nothing”, I flushed a little.
* * * * *
My fitness training started from that day on. At first, I felt I want to give up. It’s because, lifting dumbbells and doing 50 sit-ups are just not me. As a professional, Faizal gave me motivating advices, which actually had lifted my spirit to complete my training.
* * * * *
Argh! The bus is late again! How am I going to pray? It’s already 8.10 p.m., and Isya’ prayer would be at about 8.30 p.m.
Out of sudden, a metallic Vios pulled over in front of me. The passenger’s window was lifted down. I saw Faizal, smiling at me, sincerely.
“Assalamu’alaikum, Lisa.”
“Wa’alaikumsalam, Mr. Faizal.”
“Please, call me Faizal…need a lift home?”, he lifted his left eyebrow, waiting for my answer.
I hesitated at first but since it was already 8.15 p.m., I agreed. I thought he was going to send me home but then, he drove his car into an entrance of a mosque.
“I know that you still haven’t perform your Maghrib prayer so, I thought maybe you should pray here. Besides, we could also perform Isya’ prayer since it’s almost 8.30, right?”, he took a glance at his G-Shock. watch.
I was amazed by the way he always put solat on top of his mind.
* * * * *
At around 9.00 p.m., I went towards Faizal’s Vios and saw him, leaning against his car.
“Sorry, I’m late. You know-lah,”women…”
“It’s okay. I don’t mind waiting. By the way, you’re look beautiful”, he praised me.
“Owh, do you mean, I look slimmer than I used to? Because I won’t buy it if anybody says I’m beautiful”.
“But you are. In fact, I think you did look beautiful when you were chubbier.” he continued.
I looked him in the eyes and I saw nothing except honesty and sincerity.
“I can’t seem to understand why you want to lose your weight”, he blurted out when he drove off the mosque.
“Well, actually, I met someone. He’s fine. It’s just that, I don’t think that any guy would want me if I’m short and fat. So, I decided to lose my weight and win over his heart!”, I said with sudden enthusiasm.
“What makes you think that every guy is only interested in tall and slender ”person?...”
“Of course!”, I cut his words.
“Every guy only finds pretty, tall and slender woman attractive. Nobody would be interested for a woman like me”, I was a bit low of self-confidence.
“Well, every guy is different, you know. Some guys would think Lisa Surihani is gorgeous but others might prefer Adibah Noor. Size and appearance are not important. What’s important is this…”, he put his palm on his chest.
Silence is in the air as Faizal focused more on his driving while I was blending all that he said, trying to make sense of them. Maybe he’s right. But I still wanted to win over Zack’s heart. I want to be happy. With him. I want to look perfect! For him.
* * * * *
“Congratulations, Lisa! You’ve finished your three months fitness programme. Many people don’t have determination like you, you know. You should be very proud of yourself!”, Faizal was excited.
“Thanks Faizal. If it’s not for you, I would still be the ‘jelly-tummy-Lisa’ kind of person”, I smiled.
“Lisa…Eventhough it kills me to have to say, but I admit that I am impressed. You’re different from any of my other trainees. You’re kindness and your smile really made my days, you know. And…your laugh is the best sound I’ve ever heard. I don’t know what will I do, since we won’t be meeting each other anymore after this…” he was whispering. It seems like it’s been very hard for him to say those things.
“I…I…I think I’m falling for you”, he continued.
I startled. Then, when I tried to look at him, he looked away with a sudden embarrassment. I wanted to laugh when I noticed his pink ears, but I immediately turned it into a slight cough.
“Lisa…? Please say something…” he was still blushing.
“I…I…I don’t know what to say” I was speechless.
My heart was pounding even faster. I was having a fight with myself.
‘You can’t be with Faizal! Don’t you remember why you even wanted to lose your weight? You have to remember your first goal! Why you’re here at the first place? You want to win over Zack’s heart, right? You can’t let some goody-goody trainer stand in your way!’, I heard my own voice inside of my head.
I took a big gulp. Then, my mouth started to spill out words before I could stop it.
“I’m sorry. All this while, I admit that I really enjoyed being with you, but only as my personal trainer, nothing more. Thanks for being honest about your feeling but I… I’m sorry” I was afraid to look him in the eyes.
“It’s okay. I totally understand. Good luck with Zack!” He smiled; but I know he was just pretending.
“Anyway, I got to go. I have another errands to do, goodbye Lisa, assalamu’alaikum” He tapped his cap, looked at me for the very last time and he turned around.
“Please look back. If you look back at me, I would run towards you, seriously!” I was praying to myself.
Oh no! He’s gone. Out of sudden, I burst into tears. I was crying really hard. I never cried like that since I was humiliated in form five. One of the naughtiest boys in my class pulled a prank on me, which he placed a watered balloon on my chair. But, this is beyond than that! This time, I blew out. Big one!
* * * * *
Oh God. I don’t know what to do today. I guess I’m used to spending my weekends with Faizal. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. How many ‘Oh no’ do I want to type?
“Lisa?” Nana’s voice had gave me a fright.
“Gosh! Nana, you know what, I think I would gat a heart attack if you keep on frightening me like that”
“Well, serves you right. I already knocked, you know. Three times. I thought you were sleeping. That’s why I went straight inside” Nana’s complaining.
“Never mind. Let’s just forget it. Why do you want to come in here anyway?”
“Well, Emma asked me to join her boyfriend’s get-together party. Care to join?”
“Actually, I’m pretty bored at the moment. Plus, I got nothing to do…” I’m hesitating, playing for time.
“Oh, come on! Zack might be there, you know. After all, it’s his best friend’s party. I’m sure it’s going to be fun. Come on! Let’s get ready!” Nana insisted while dragging my hand.
“All right. All right. Stop dragging me”.
* * * * *
I look at my own reflection. Praise to Allah. I do look pretty. I mean, look at me. I’m a bit slimmer than I used to be. I look really well in jeans and pink blouse with matching hijab. Everything else seems perfect. Who cares if a have slight crooked teeth, I can still smile happily and there’s even a guy who once said that my laugh is the best sound he ever heard! Then, I realized that the guy I’m thinking about is Faizal. My enthusiasm turned into sorrow. Faizal, I miss you, pretty badly.
“Lisa!” Emma’s voice can be heard from the front door.
I should go. I grabbed my silver hand bag and rushing to the front door.
* * * * *
The party’s pretty cool. Seems like everybody’s having a good time. We followed Emma to meet his boyfriend. I even managed to grab a piece of chocolate cake and stuffed it into my mouth. Surprisingly, I saw Faizal! He’s looking at us. I mean, at me. I feel like my heart’s going to explode for pounding too fast. But I act like nothing happen. I even gave him a I’m-only-your-trainee -and-nothing-more smile. Then, I notice that he is looking at someone else, and from his eyes, I know that that someone is coming towards me. I take a look at the direction of Faizal’s eyes. Owh…It’s ZacK… Okay. Why didn’t I type it as ‘OMG!!! It’s Zack!!!’ (with an exclamation mark) ? That’s weird. I know. It’s because I didn’t feel the thrill; like the thrill that I felt when I saw Faizal.
“Hey, are you a human being?” Zack greets me with a very pleasant smile.
“Of course I am. Don’t I look like one?” I was trying to be polite.
“Well, it’s just that, when I saw you from that entrance, I thought you were an angel.” He’s flirting with me. That’s weird. I feel nothing when he said that.
“Anyway, I didn’t catch your name yet. What’s your name?” Zack’s curious.
“I’m Lisa. I came here with them” I’m pointing at Emma and Nana.
“You mean…you’re jelly-tummy-Lisa ?! OMG! You look so different! You look hot!!” He casually places his right hand on my shoulder. I pushed his hand down, immediately.
“Yes. I am that Lisa. The one that was humiliated by you, in front of so many people!” I yelled at him, don’t even care about a few people who are looking at us.
“What?” He’s acting innocent.
“So, Lisa…what did you do with yourself? You’re amazing”. He’s skimming me.
“Your eyes are catchy…your perfect little nose…your lips look so…” spontaneously he touched my lips…
PANG!!!
“How dare you?! Who do you think you are?! aEven if you’re a guy with a good look, do you think you can just do anything to any woman you want?! Well, you know what?! You’re wrong, mister! I thought you’re the perfect guy I ever met, but I guess you’re not…you’re the worst!!!” I was carried away by my emotion. My eyes are full with anger. Right. Now, everybody’s staring at me.
“I’m sorry Emma. I ruined your boyfriend’s party.”
I went straight to the entrance door with a big, fat, thick tears running down my cheeks. I felt used and manipulated by Zack. I can’t believe that I’m willing to lose my weight for him! I was so dumb!
I don’t know how long I’ve been walking. There’s a bench and nobody’s there; so I just sit on the bench, waiting for a bus, or a cab, or something. I just can’t seem to stop crying. I Put my face in my hands and cry and cry. On the bench. Alone. Away from the party.
“Lisa…” I look up. It’s Faizal. He smiles. Reassuringly.
“Go on. Laugh at me if you want to. Serves me right! I was so stupid. Why do I strain myself from eating those junk food, the painful exercises and the sweaty track pants, and, and…”
“Shh…it’s okay. I’m here. It’s all that matter.” He wipes my tears with his pink hanky, really carefully, so that, his hand won’t touch my face.
Then, I find myself crying again. But, this time, it’s different. I’m crying because I was so touched by his warm gaze and his concern and his reassuringly smile and his kind heart.
“It doesn’t matter. You’re not stupid. What you did is right. Eating junk food is unhealthy, you know. It’s not like in Biology had stated ‘if you’re huge and need a boyfriend, you need to stop eating junk food’, right? You’re not stupid, okay? But Zack is. He’s stupid because he doesn’t how to appreciate a woman like you. You’re beautiful, Lisa…in a different way.”
Dup dab. Dup dab. Dup dab.
“No, I’m not. Look at me. I’m a mess. I’m a loser, and alwys will.” I’m denying him.
“Yes, you are. You’re beautiful to me. You’re different. You’re…you’re…you’re special. Very rare. You’re like roses that can only be found on top of the hill. And…and…you’re even more beautiful with that chocolate cake smudge on your chin.” He grinned.
I touch my chin. He’s right. There’s a smudge. Oh God, this is so embarrassing. I flush a little. Wrong choice of word. I flush. A lot!
Faizal’s grin turned into a tiny chuckle and then into a big hearty laugh. At first, I felt annoyed. But then, I join him. After a few seconds, he stops laughing.
“Lisa, I…I…I…”
“I know. I know. You want to say that you love me, right?” he seems amazed, as if I can read his mind.
“Well,do you…do you…”
“I do. I do love you. In fact, from the very first day we met. I realized it when I completed my three months fitness training with you. I realized that I…I…I missed you…badly…I don’t know what I…what I…”
“Shh…you’re nervous. Come on. Let’s go to Pizza Hut. I know you’ve been craving for it for three months.”
He walks off. Gentlemanly. Please, look back…Then, he looks back at me and smiles.
THE END
1 comment:
panjang sgt la weh. xde org nak bace. haha
Post a Comment